Thursday, January 3, 2013

Everything Melts

 

I believe I’m known for celebrating and enjoying Christmas and most holidays with childlike enthusiasm. But, for the month of December I was not myself. I was frustrated, sad, tired, uninspired, annoyed and sometimes angry. I didn’t decorate or listen to my favorite Christmas music (something I do that at anytime of the year to cheer myself up).

I love giving gifts and wrapping presents. I usually spend a lot of time thinking about what to get. Something meaningful, useful and that they wouldn’t get themselves. This year I felt overwhelmed and clueless when I went out. If it wasn’t for my husband no one would have received anything.

I really didn’t want to participate in any of the holiday traditions. I didn’t feel loving at all.

New Year’s Eve morning I couldn’t sleep and gave up trying at 4am. I decided to end the year by writing down the highlights of each month in 2012. Whatever came to mind.

January 2012 had nothing written next to it except for being the most difficult month of my life. February and March were passed by but slowly as I thought about the spring and summer I could identify the positive things that happened to me and that I achieved.

This past year has probably been very character building for me but I worry about the kind of characteristics I’ve taken on.